[Disclosure: I freely admit that I wrote the following post out of 100% unadulterated jealousy that gossipy/slandering blogs are much more popular than mine.]
Tired of writing meaningful posts? Spending too much time researching facts? Annoyed at the need for introspection, the careful choice of words, the self-discipline to not generalize about others? Depressed about how all of this effort garners you just a handful of regular readers, and a few tepid comments?
I have the perfect answer for you - secret, undercover agents have sold me the "Cliff Notes" from everyone's favorite, the ever popular Kvetchy Blogger. Yes, you've read correctly, the formula for giving your anemic readership the virtual viagra it needs to reach new heights on your sitemeter is right here. Just download the following and choose from the options given, and presto! the surefire way to attract new readers.
I Hate *%#@^
I really hate (choose one of the following) (black hat Jews/secular Jews/liberal Jews/conservative Jews/Jewish settlers/Jewish bloggers).
They think they are SOOOOO PERFECT!
Well, I am here to tell you that they AREN'T.
I heard from (choose one of the following) (my psychotic neighbor/the investigative report in the National Enquirer/an annonymous e-mail/a note slipped under my cell door) that (fill in choice from above) really HATE (choose one of the following) (black hat Jews/secular Jews/liberal Jews/conservative Jews/Jewish settlers/Jewish bloggers).
They are such HYPOCRITES!
*Whew* I feel much better now! How about you?
Yes, folks that's it! Fast and easy. Try it today, and enjoy comments on your blog like these:
Dear Kvetchy Blogger,
Wow! I also hate *%#@^. I always feel so much better after reading your blog that I've called my doctor and cancelled my psychotherapy sessions. Thanks, you've changed my life...
This country would be a hell of a lot better off with another million bloggers like you. I also hate *%#@^, and after I finish my six-pack I'm getting my shotgun and hunting some down...
Dear Kvetchy (I can call you Kvetchy, right?),
I love a man who can blog so well! There is something so macho about it... My phone number is 555-1234. Maybe we can get together and you can show me some of your blogging tips?
Dear Mr. Kvetchy Blogger,
I must confess, your blog has been an inspiration. I also hate *%#@^, and think they are a danger to the very foundations of our freedom in this country. You have convinced me that I, and the rest of the intellectual elite, have to act. I am calling my lawyer today and bringing a lawsuit....
Professor Ivory Tower
You da bomb! You rock my world! You go girl!
What's my name again?